Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Miss Information is annoyed by Halloween

Strange, because she usually has endless patience for celebrations that only exist so she can consume mass quantities of chocolate.

But the day started out badly. Her well-planned, carefully thought out, truly brilliant Halloween costume was not appreciated by her co-workers.

"So, no costume?" they said.

Look, you bastards, it may appear to be more or less the same thing she wears every day, but it's so obviously a costume! Any other day she would have worn the outfit with heels. Flats equal costume! Perhaps it was a bit too high concept for them. Bastards.

During her evening stint at the Reference Desk, Miss Information sensed that something was happening at a table nearby. Her suspicions arose when she overheard one patron request another patron join him in the parking lot for apple bobbing. She may have misheard that last part.

One of the men involved then adjourned to the parking lot, probably to set up the buffet table and Miss Information let the security guard know that something was happening. Together they approached the remaining participants.

"Um....hi," said Miss Information. "Is there, you know, something happening that like we should know about?" (What a way with words.)

The people denied it. Miss Information introduced them to the security guard and let them know that if something was happening they should let staff know.

Soon after there was another indication that something was indeed happening. Miss Information's keen observational senses were triggered when Guy #1 returned and sat down at the table. A group of friends anxiously awaiting the apple bobbing event hovered nearby. Guy #1 was overhead saying such reassuring things as "you want to see violence, I can show you violence." Such a kind offer, but when Miss Information wants to see violence she watches old John Woo movies, thanks, though.

The dispute, from what Miss Information could figure out through eavesdropping (oh, and would it be too much to ask that the other customers stop asking questions while Miss Information is trying to spy on people?), stemmed from Guy #2 disrespecting Guy #1's father. Guy #1 just had to protect his family's honour by beating the crap out of Guy #2. It was the only dignified solution.

Miss Information doesn't get it. Guy #1's father's reputation has been damaged and can only be fixed by a felony assault charge, lawyer's fees and visiting day at prison? Ah, men.

This time everyone ventured out to the parking lot. Police were called. A huge number of them descended on the library. The police spent hours discussing the incident with Guy #2, his wife and daughter.

Eventually everyone went home. First though, Miss Information went to the grocery store across the street from the library and stocked up on discounted Halloween candy, so the day wasn't a total loss, after all.


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